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dessert for one
I loved making Mark Bittman's no bake blueberry cheesecake, but wanted something able to be served immediately, and for one person. Because tonight, mama dines alone, but that doesn't mean she can't have dessert!!!

So, I made an Instant Blueberry Parfait! While there's nothing wrong with doubling the recipe, making it and eating it yourself is sooooo sweet.

Ingredients:
--1 cup nonfat vanilla yogurt* (or use whatever fat amount you prefer)
--1/2 cup part-skim ricotta cheese
--1/2 Tbsp honey
--generous squeeze of lemon juice (use the plastic lemon thingie if you like)--optional
--1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs
--1/2 Tbsp butter, melted
--1/2 cup blueberries--check for and remove any stems

1. In a medium sized bowl, whisk yogurt, ricotta cheese, honey, and lemon juice, if using.

2. In a small bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs with melted butter. Crumbs will become coated, not crust-y.

3. Place half of the buttery graham cracker crumbs in the bottom of a short glass or mug (about 8 oz size). Pour half of the yogurt-cheese mixture on top of the crumbs. Make a single layer of blueberries on top of the yogurt-cheese. Place remainder of crumbs on top of blueberries. Pour remainder of yogurt-cheese on top of crumbs. Top it all off with your preferred number of blueberries.

*I used Greenway organic yogurt from Super Fresh because it's Super Cheap, but also has an interestingly mild vanilla flavor and a nice texture for nonfat.

corri pictures by you.

Jon and I were in a mood to be mean together, so we rented Twilight.

All you people who are into these stories? We need to have a Serious Talk.

The crap dialogue and Bella's complete lack of any redeeming or sympathetic qualities, besides just being a whiny, self-important, angst-ridden teen so I guess she's a shoe-in for the books' intended market (because you know teen readers can't empathize with anyone who is not just like them, which means we are raising a nation of fucking sociopaths and should all be very afraid (and you adult readers who found Bella a likeable character need to fucking stop listening to Evanescence for once))...okay, those things aside. Also, let's not talk about the film's narrative device for idjits, in which Bella told us everything that was being shown on screen at the time; seriously, it was like closed captioning for the nuance impaired (and then the device was abandoned as some point where I guess it was assumed we'd finally evolved past pond scum, AND THEN CAME BACK, WTF). Besides all that. Let's discuss the WTFery that had me rolling around on the floor, laughing so hard I started coughing.

Sense of place. As in, do you have it, Stephenie Meyer? Apparently she's lived in the Phoenix area, so you'd think there would be some awareness of the Southwest. So when Bella's dad warned her about the predator that was eating people, maybe it should have been done in a way that acknowledges that Bella came from a place that boasts (in order of descending size) bears, pumas, javalina (not predators, but nasty biters), coyotes, wildcats, badgers (they will fuck you up, so I am including them), eleven different kinds of rattlesnakes (two fatal), coral snakes, sidewinders (yeah, they're venomous), gila monsters (not really fatal, but fucking nasty), bark scorpions, black widow spiders, brown recluse spiders, and fucking africanized honeybees, which are no fucking joke. Not in the you're in the wilderness now, baby way that he did.

Upon further research, I found that Meyer lived in Scottsdale, which the closest thing you can get to living in some sort of outdoor chi-chi mall. And apparently she never went on a goddamn field trip, or went near an arroyo during a drought, so fuck her.

On the other end of the spectrum, thunder seems to play a huge role in the life of the Pacific Northwest Vampire, and I would like to know where they are getting it from, because we have lived here for a year and a half, and I have heard it half-a-dozen times. Definitely not often enough to be some sort of ominous device, much less cover a baseball game or whatever the fuck that bullshit was. Maybe she's showing her desert upbringing here, since one of Arizona's rainy seasons is always accompanied with lightning storms, and maybe she's dumb enough to assume that rain must be like that everywhere. I don't know. And shit, maybe it's a thunder wonderland out near Forks. Somehow I doubt it.

Next up: cultural awareness. Does she have it? Fuck no. At one point I turned to Jon and said, with incredulous delight, "did she just buy a goddamn beat-up red truck from a goddamn Indian?" because, replete with the misnomer, that is the setup for the majority of racist jokes in Arizona. Good job, Stephanie!

So OF COURSE the tribe are descended from FUCKING WOLVES, because Native Americans are not only not really human, but Magical. Of course. I don't know why that revelation made me ask Jon to pause the film so I could recover my senses, during which we tried to determine which animal the Hohokam were. The sense of fun was starting to veer dangerously into a sick feeling.

But the thing that disturbed me the most, that did not make me laugh at all, was Edward's chastizing Bella for, frankly, being so delicious and making it so hard for him to control himself. It was like Stephenie Meyer wanted to walk that fine line between blaming the victim and developing some sort of scentproof burqua that would keep the poor vampires safe from her human delights.

So the people on my FL who read and enjoyed these books, and might have enjoyed the movie, god save you -- and I am not going to out you, but you know who you are -- did none of these things throw a little flag in your head? Really? Because aside from the utterly crap dialogue and infantile character development (that I know is in the books, so don't try and deny it), two of these things would make me stop and say HOLD THAT SHIT RIGHT UP.

Okay I have a favor to ask you! If you live in Philadelphia and are going to Camp Trans (or Ohio) in August. My friend

quixotic_crust is looking to bum a ride around the second. I quote: "I will help pay for my share of gas plus I will try to bring snacks and offer lodging/beer/malt liquor in columbus for those en route to the Hart Michigan area."

Her post is here.

Thanks!

Three bugs in a rug

Three bugs in a rug
Originally uploaded by littlecabbage

My new favorite way to nap.

trust and counter-trust, tom and kathleen
Boy oh boy do I want to go to see an opera or ballet or something, some wild overwhelming spectacle on the stage, with music and elaborate costumes and sumptuous sets, preferably in some vast extravagant hall with balconies all around. I dunno how I'm going to do it though, I don't know of anything like that around here, certainly not in the summer, and it's the kind of thing you can't get "on demand" after all, unlike other art forms these days. And it is always super expensive to see such things. But maybe I can find something somewhere.

Speaking of ballet, man, Leon Bakst ladies and gentlemen. Of course I'd heard of him before, but it is only quite recently that I've actually discovered him, that my eyes have actually seen what is before them. Beyond their interest as costume designs, his drawings are just beautiful things, and in so many styles.

HOW TO PARTICIPATE that is what I am asking myself lately; how can I be a part of the world and its motion, how can I sit in a wrought-iron chair discussing, how can I be in a meeting taking notes. Now that hermitage has lost its charm.

There's something going on outside my living room window...
There's something going on outside my living room window right now...

(Click to be confused)

... And I have absolutely no idea what it is.

the year ahead
greetings, everyone!

first of all, don't expect this to be a regular thing. i make no promises of becoming a regular blogger again. i just don't have the time. also i deleted my other blog, because i'm trying to save money in preparation for the expensive year ahead. (i may even cancel my cable when my current discount offer expires this fall. this is assuming i can watch full episodes of Project Runway and Top Chef online, of course.)

quick sidebar: how awful is The Fashion Show on Bravo?

anyway, a LOT is going on right now, so here's a quick and dirty update for everyone:

- i'm assistant directing for a show this summer and another one this winter. i've been waiting to AD for Blanka at the Wilma for a LONG time, so even though it's going to create some financial obstacles and/or scheduling headaches for me, i'm ready for it. AND i'm directing this for Flashpoint in the spring.

- i've started a nerdy book club with Matt,

bakerloo, and 2 other friends. next weekend we will be discussing Rabbit, Run by John Updike, and in September, we're talking about Vanity Fair. my first selection for the club doesn't come until later this year when i make everyone read The Sound and the Fury.

- i'm applying to 3 grad schools (or maybe 4), so i can get my MFA in Directing. i'm taking my GREs at the end of August, i'm putting together an acceptable resume and portfolio, i'm getting a headshot taken (!!!), i'm choosing a monologue (because apparently even directors need to be able to act), and i'm getting ready to answer lots of questions about myself and about theatre in written and (hopefully) spoken form. i haven't been this nervous about anything since i was in high school.

- regardless of what happens with the grad school thing, Matt and i are planning on moving out of Philadelphia next summer. if i get into grad school, the location will be chosen for us. if i don't get into grad school, we're probably moving to Chicago. we're actually taking a trip there in August, so Matt can see if he'd be willing to move there for a little while.

- oh yeah, and i'm turning 30 this year. i'm hoping to celebrate the actual day by seeing one of my favorite bands, but i think i'm planning on celebrating with everyone else by going bowling.

that's all for now! hope everyone is enjoying the summer.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Pearl Jam - "Got Some"

Oh hey, you should come to a great show tonight at El Rio in San Francisco and hang out with me before I perform.

Surprise appearances by members of Angela Chase! A short performance by Madison that got added at the last moment isn't on the flyer! Queers! OOOoooo

Rusty
I just paid for another year of LJ even though I never seem to post here anymore. The pithiness of Facebook seems to be more alluring to me. It prevents me from rambling like I'm destined to do here.

But since I paid good American money to keep reading ya'll, which I've never ceased to do, I figured I might as well click that "post" link, too and babble on. Just call me brook.

See? I wouldn't have embarrassed myself with that stupid pun on Facebook.

So, what's new with me?

1. Getting fit and happy about that. Jogging mostly.
2. Working to update my wardrobe and electronics (hello 2009!) and the house. This is all part of a beautifying project I feel I'm due. You're due, too. Surround yourself with only that which is useful and beautiful and just see how your life changes!
3. Still like my job though there have been bumps in the road. No biggie.
4. Should write more. It's that little fun thing I never seem to get to.
5. In general, I'm freaking ecstatic to be surrounded at all times by loving friends.

OK, I'll stop and hopefully get to LJ with you again soon.

Yours,
Teej

Terrible Movie Boyfriends Battle 5
In a shocking (at least to me) upset, Avery Bishop gave Kelly the smackdown to advance to the semi-finals. After four rounds of play, we have the following semi-finalists:

Boyfriends
Large from Garden State
Billy Loomis from Scream
Richie Tenenbaum from The Royal Tenenbaums
Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars Ep. 2 & 3

Girlfriends
Clementine from Eternal Sunshine...
Sara Thomas from Serendipity
Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's
Avery Bishop from Jerry Maguire

And now on to today's battle of the blonde teen movie boys!

Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High VS. Steve Stifler from American Pie

VS.

In the red corner, Jeff Spicoli - he's got no job, he's got no money, he's always stoned, and to him surfing is a way of looking at the wave and saying, "Hey bud, let's party." Kind of a chucklehead, but on the plus side, he has a great appreciation of pizza.

In the blue corner, Steve Stifler - he's an sex-crazed jock, fairly arrogant, likes to bully his friends and throw wild parties. He's the type of guy who is more interested in what a girl looks like than what she says.

The Rules of Voting: Don't think of these characters in the movies you've seen them in. Think of them pulled out of those movies, suddenly in your life as your boyfriend or your friend's boyfriend. Vote with your heart. Feel free to stump for your candidate in the comments.

Poll #1427809 Terrible Movie Boyfriend Battle 5
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Who is the more annoying boyfriend?

View Answers

Jeff Spicoli
3 (15.8%)

Steve Stifler
16 (84.2%)

And on that note, we conclude for the week. Thanks for playing! Tune in Monday for Girlfriends round 5.

*the ever-glorious now the ever-present now*
Mark Sandman, 1952-1999

I had meant to make note of it when it came around, but completely missed it. One week ago today marks the tenth anniversary of the death of Mark Sandman, frontman for Morphine. I remember exactly where I was when I heard, in my bedroom in an odd apartment in Ann Arbor, listening to WCBN. I cried a bit when I heard the news and of course, spent the evening listening to Morphine albums over and over.

It wasn't just the music- the music was amazing, that whole mixture of drums, sax (2 at once?!?) and that weird bass, with those lyrics- the beat poerty-esque riffs thrown in, amongst words that just put you in some dark bar at 3am or someone's apartment hanging out after that same bar had closed, with that weird light on the pavement outside after it's been raining since eight- that kind of thing. It was also that the band had sort of been the anchor of one of the best weekends of my life.

I wasn't- and still am not, to a certain extent- what you'd call a well-traveled person by the time I got to college. In 1996, I was working on a sitcom for a student tele-vision group at Michigan State. The group had a couple of shows nominated for awards at this national conference, in Providence, RI, so a bunch of us loaded up a couple of rented vans and headed out there. It was the first time I'd even been out of the tri-state area around Michigan, so definitely my first visit to the east coast. We hit Boston first and I loved it- actual urban denisty, buildings and parks that had been around for ages- an actual, honest-to-god city. My having to drive a van out of the city at rush hour didn't even dim my enthusiasm about it. We got to Providence late-ish and most of us were just going to just hang out in our rooms, watching tv or whatever, but Shaun McNally asked the front desk folks who was playing nearby. Turns out, there was this band called Morphine, playing at Lupo's Heartbreak Hotel (in a different location now), a club downtown. I was kind of not feeling like it, he insisted we all go and so we did.

We were a few blocks away- walking at night through Providence's downtown, I loved it- walking the streets of an old, dark city, going to some club- very hayseed-in-the-big (Providence?)-city, but hey, it was my first time. It's always exciting your first time. Then, once we got there, I one of the best live shows I've ever seen, largely because I'd never heard of these guys before and was completely blown away by them. Every song, every note, just amazing. We walked around some more afterward, hit a bar, then back to the hotel. The following night, after the banquet and award show (hosted by Jeffrey Ross, oddly enough), everyone was hanging out in one of our hotel rooms and I just decided to head out for a walk on my own. It was about ten or eleven and I kind of had no idea where I was going, exactly, just wandering over near where we'd been the night before, a few areas I'd seen during the day with bars and junk, just loving it- loving walking around this old city. There was a line at this pizza place, I grabbed a slice and that's kind of when I decided that I really, really loved this- a city. An old, east coast, dense city, with the buildings and alleys and litter and the river and the crime and the mob and everything else.

That's what kind of led to today, to a certain extent- to starting The City Desk, to falling in love with someone who wanted to live in the same type of place, to living in Philadelphia... it was a pretty damn important weekend (ended by cutting my wrist badly on a big rock overlooking the Atlantic Ocean near Newport), thirteen years ago and Morphine looms large in the middle of it all. Oddly enough, though, I haven't been back up to Providence since going there again in 1997.

Back in 2000, they released Bootleg Detroit, from a stop on the tour for the same album. I should check to see if the exact November 8, 1996 show is on any of the torrent sites.

I saw them one more time- 1998, at a Horde Festival stop in some Pine-Knob-type place in Northern Indiana.

On July 3, 1999, he died onstage while playing- a heart attack at age 46. It's a horrible, horrible shame that we'll never get to hear more of his amazing music, but he leaves a nice legacy- a music education fund continues in honor of him and an intersection in Cambridge, MA was named after him. If you have some of their stuff- give a listen today. If not, here's a video of a great live version of "Cure for Pain."

So, thank you, Mark Sandman, for having existed.

Gym milestone: benched my weight
It's been a little over two months at the gym, and I just hit a good milestone. After starting with very low weights and slowly working my way up week by week, I bench-pressed more than my weight! I currently weigh about 61 kg (134.58 lbs), and today I benched 62.5 kg (137.79 lbs), and did 5 reps at that weight. Back when I first got this gym membership, I made myself start with extremely low weights, significantly lower than I knew I could do, because I really wanted to avoid injuring myself and I wanted to take a nice long time to let my muscles go from very atrophied to good and sturdy before I started adding much heavier weights. So two months ago I was only letting myself bench 25 kg (55.116 lbs), which even for a scrawny runt like me is pretty easy. But I'll admit, after being so rusty, even that small amount of weight gave me a real burn after a couple sets. So anyway, I'm extremely pleased to more than double that in a couple months, although I'm pretty sure this current amount will be a real plateau for me; I'm definitely in diminishing-returns territory now, and I don't think I'm interested in putting in the time and effort it would take to push my strength to a level much higher than it is now. Besides, I mostly work out in order to look good, not be strong, so I'm definitely okay where I am right now. But it was a good symbolic landmark to bench my weight today in any case.

Incidentally, the most I ever bench-pressed in my life was 150 lbs, back when I was about 20 years old. I only weighed about 125 lbs back then, and I only benched 150 once or twice, basically as a stunt. Being younger meant being more injury-proof, and I could push myself like that and not hurt anything. Nowadays if I tried to suddenly lift a few dozens pounds more than where I'm comfortable, I'd almost certainly strain (or even tear) something, probably a rotator cuff, like I did in my mid-twenties in yet another gym-obsessed phase of my life. I really learned my lesson that time; I wasn't able to do any upper body exercise for a few months, and even driving my car and playing guitar hurt for a few weeks. But now that I'm taking this safer, healthier, more patient approach, and also due to the fact that I'm eating better and have gained a little weight, I'm suddenly wondering if I might be able to slowly, gradually get myself back up to the point of being able to bench press 150 lbs again. I bet I could do it in another month. See how this stuff is habit-forming?

Quotarama
I did this a while ago on the Face Book and I kept meaning to port it over here because I'm ~~pretentious~~ ~~bored~~ that kind of guy. So, here you go.

*******

First off, if I could distill my entire philosophy of life down into one single quote, it would be the first two lines of the theme song to Diff'rent Strokes:

"Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum;
What might be right for you might not be right for some."

Second, there is a holy trinity of Homer Simpson quotes that has rarely steered me wrong:

1. “Boy. Everyone is stupid except me.”
2. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
3. “It’s because they’re stupid, that’s why. That’s why everybody does everything.”

Third, I was once given what I believe to be an incredibly sage piece of advice by a friend of my dad’s: “There are a lot of people in the world who desperately need to have the shit beat out of them.” I was already impressed by this wisdom as a young fellow, when, years later, I found it stated more elegantly by Flannery O’Connor, who has the Misfit say at the end of ‘A Good Man is Hard to Find’: “She would have been a good woman, if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life.”

Fourth, most of the quotes that really punch me in the soul seem to be written by Russians, who have a keener grasp than most folks of the odd combo of misery, insanity, and gallows humor that makes up our funny little world; here’s three of my faves which I’ve loved and referenced constantly since I first ever read them:

1. “Is it not possible to eat me without insisting that I sing praises of my devourer?" (My man Fyodor Dostoevsky, who might just be the greatest writer who ever was. More of it: “Everyone pretends to hate evil, but deep down they all love it, all of them.”)

2. "Whatever he tried to be, whatever he engaged in, the evil and falsehood of it repulsed him and blocked every path of activity." (Leo Tolstoy, from the pretty amazingly insightful Chapter I of Book 8 of War and Peace. Tolstoy again: "I sit on a man's back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means -- except by getting off his back.")

3. “All this life is senseless and tragic in which the endless slaving labor of one man constantly goes to supply another with more bread than he can use.” (Maxim Gorky and ain’t it the truth.)

Fifth, I could basically drop in here almost anything ever written or said by Mr. Gus Flaubert or Mr. Ray Chandler.

Anyway, I’m gonna cheat a bit with the actual dozen and double it: 12 great quotes I love, believe and live by in life, and ditto for art. Here goes.

LIFE IS ART

“If you look really hard at things, you’ll forget that you’re going to die.” (Montgomery Clift)

“I’m not religious about God. I’m religious about man.” (D. Boon)

"People who are much too sensitive to demand of cripples that they run races ask of the poor that they get up and act just like everyone else in society." (Michael Harrington)

"The map is not the territory." (Alfred Korzbysky)

“The only difference between lilies and turds is whatever difference humans have agreed upon.” (George Carlin)

"Our laws make law impossible; our liberties destroy all freedom; our property is organized robbery, our morality an impudent hypocrisy; our wisdom is administered by inexperienced or mal-experienced dupes, our power wielded by cowards and weaklings; and our honor false in all its points. I am an enemy of the existing order for good reasons." (George Bernard Shaw)

"People with advantages are loath to believe that they just happen to be people with advantages." (C. Wright Mills)

“Solidarity is not discovered by reflection, but created. It is created by increasing our sensitivity to the particular details of the pain and humiliation of other, unfamiliar sorts of people. Such increased sensitivity makes it more difficult to marginalize people different from ourselves by thinking 'They do not feel as we would,' or 'There must always be suffering, so why not let them suffer?'” (Richard Rorty)

“There are plenty of people to whom the crucial problems of their lives never get presented in terms that they can understand.” (George Chapman)

“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” (Albert Camus)

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." (William Shakespeare)

“There is no way you can use the word ‘reality’ without putting quotation marks around it.” (Joseph Campbell)

ART IS LIFE

"In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

"The metaphor is probably the most fertile power possessed by man." (Jose Ortega y Gasset)

"Never compose anything unless the not composing of it becomes a positive nuisance to you." (Gustav Holst)

"No artist wants to be understood. If he's understood, he feels superficial. What an artist wants is not to be misunderstood." (Ned Rorem)

"The only obligation to which in advance we may hold a novel, without incurring the accusation of being arbitrary, is that it be interesting." (Henry James)

"Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality." (T.S. Eliot)

"So I have loitered my life away, reading books, looking at pictures, going to plays, hearing, thinking, writing on what pleased me best. I have wanted only one thing to make me happy, but wanting that have wanted everything." (William Hazlitt)

"There are many reasons why novelists write, but they all have one thing in common -- a need to create an alternative world." (John Fowles)

“There is no ‘must’ in art because art is free.” (Vassily Kandisnky)

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action. And since there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium, and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.” (Martha Graham)

"A writer is, after all, only half his book. The other half is the reader and from the reader the writer learns." (P.L. Travers)

"A writer must teach himself that the basest of all things is to be afraid." (William Faulkner)

-ENDUT -

Checking In
I am SUPER sorry for not being around.

I've been swamped with rehearsals, filming, work (tutoring kids.. yay!), and watching the editing process (yay for trying to learn something new). That's why I've been missing. Things get crazy once in a while, I hope you guys understand.

Okee-doke, two things to cover real quick: First off, I'm selling all of my PVC Justice Society and Justice League of America figures over on eBay. I sort of hate to get rid of them, but I just have no room to display them anywhere, and they've been sitting in a box for the last year and a half. SO! Wildcat, Green Lantern, Johnny Thunder, Dr.Mid-Nite, Aquaman, and a bunch of other figures all over on my eBay merchant space; if nothing else, they're neat figures, you ought to go over and check 'em out. I find the Spectre in particular to be a really nicely designed piece.

======

Secondly, for you lovelorn and lost souls out there just looking for someone to answer all the big questions in your life, now you can check in with the wisdom of Deke Zibinski, bartender and co-owner of the Northside Tavern in Baltimore, MD. The truly excellent Wasted Words podcast is now accepting new questions for their Ask The Bartender segment, you can learn more here, and enter to win fabulous prizes (that is a blatant lie, there are no prizes). Says The Wasted Words website:

"Please send your question to info@wastedwords.net with the subject line “Ask the Bartender.” Be sure to include your name or something fake and clever, so that we can can attribute it on the air. You can also submit questions through the discussion board on the Wasted Words Facebook page."

And that's all. PS Wednesday Comics was amazing, wasn't it? And 'ta!

Terrible Movie Girlfriends Battle 4
In the closest race yet, Anakin Skywalker barely won yesterday's battle by 2 votes. I thought we were going to have to go to a tie-breaker, and honestly, I haven't figured out what that would be yet. On to today's match up:

Kelly from Lost in Translation VS. Avery Bishop from Jerry Maguire

VS.

In the blue corner, Kelly - extremely bubbly American film actress, has a lot in common with Keanu Reeves (they both live in LA and have two dogs), likes to stay in hotels under the name Evelyn Waugh, and will tell you if she has terrible B.O. Likes to take over singing with the jazz trio at the hotel bar late at night. Somehow she has a hard time being taken seriously.

In the red corner, Avery Bishop - driven career woman who believes there is no real loyalty. She doesn't cry at movies, she doesn't gush over babies, she doesn't buy Christmas presents 5 months early, and she doesn't tell the guy who just ruined both of their lives "Oh poor baby." So, generally not supportive. On the plus side, she asks that you never stop fucking her.

The Rules of Voting: Don't think of these characters in the movies you've seen them in. Think of them pulled out of those movies, suddenly in your life as your girlfriend or your friend's girlfriend. Vote with your heart. Feel free to stump for your candidate in the comments.

Poll #1427349 Terrible Movie Girlfriend Battle 4
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Who is the more annoying girlfriend?

View Answers

Kelly
5 (31.2%)

Avery Bishop
11 (68.8%)

From the BBC: just stupid

calamityjon was just writing about stupid records. In an article about The Smurfs Movie (it's really happening), the accompanying photo's description read "The world record for the largest number people dressed as Smurfs was broken in Wales last month." Here is the photo:

I'll admit it, I liked the Smurfs. I liked any kind of woodlandy, fairy-taily kind of crap. I had the Smurfs board game and a Smurf doll that wore a shirt that said "Have you hugged a Smurf today?" I still have, somewhere, a little Smurf figurine. It's holding an axe, which I love, because then I can pretend it's a homicidal Smurf. (Which smurf is that, anyway? Seriously.)

On a not so stupid note (or, rather, more gloriously stupid) Ben has informed me that there's going to be a MacGruber movie! One of the things I liked about MacGruber is that it's 90 seconds long, or however short it is...so a movie? Hm. Still, it'll be better than the Smurf Movie, at least. Guaranteed.

Ben was so nice, he let me sleep in a little (hence the Sesame Street story on his LJ).

During that time, I thought that I had not fallen back asleep, but I must have, because I had a dream.

Anthony Hopkins was dating Salma Hayek (I think this is some kind of weird 30 Rock/Anthony Hopkins IRL mashup), and they were just hanging out with me and then Sawyer (not Josh Holloway, but Sawyer) walked in and said, "I missed you!" and hugged me.

Dream interpretation: I watch too much TV.

I call it Being-A-Good-Sport-About-It Comics...
DC Comics is debuting today its Wednesday Comics project - a beautiful, full-color broadsheet comic weighing in at a whopping 14"x20" and featuring single-page adventures of some of the company's best-known and oddest characters, as illustrated by some really amazing artists, all under the auspices of the truly brilliant Mark Chiarello.

I'm going to be picking up my copy later today, and I'm looking forward to it immensely because I'm simply excited about how this thing is gonna look. Alongside that, though, it's a little heartbreaking, inasmuch as, in the project's early stages, I was evidently under consideration to take part. My Little Batman samples had attracted the attention of an assistant editor over at DC, who brought me to Mark Chiarello's attention, and unfortunately, in the long run, I was ultimately passed over for stronger talents. I can't disagree, I'm not even in the same class as the artists currently assigned to the project, much less better than any of them. Correct decisions all around, frankly (and I got to walk away from it with some really flattering and kind words from Chiarello, which is 'be still my beating heart' kind of stuff). Still, it would have been amazing to have been part of this, and even more amazing to work under Chiarello, whom I honestly believe is a bonafide design and graphics genius.

Still, I was thinking about it, and I realized that I could (and probably would) spend twelve consecutive weeks eating my liver out every Wednesday, OR I could instead get caught up in the spirit of the thing. It's a great idea for a comic, and even though I can't participate directly, I can participate alongside it. So, I've decided to try, over the next twelve weeks, to come up with a new comic strip every Wednesday. I say "try" because I am currently still unemployed and job-hunting, which takes up a goodly amount of time, and also working on some other projects, illustrations and comics. I also say this because I only decided to do this last Sunday evening, and lord knows how my enthusiasm will wane, but still ...

At the very least, I figured I can finally wrap up the story arc I left unfinished over in Jeremy a couple of years back, where Jeremy has decided to run away from home (Lead-up strips here and here).

So, yes, the goal is six new Jeremy strips a-a-a-a-and six not-Jeremy comic strips over the next twelve weeks. Awesome, right? Right, and therefore, without further ado ...

( Read more... )

Signs and Wonders
Despite my loathing of their advertising campaigns, Axe keeps sending me free samples in the mail, and because I am more lazy than spiteful when it comes to consumer spending and personal hygiene, I use them. I used their combination shampoo and conditioner that was named after a turd; I used their body wash that was made out of hot lava; I even used their hair gel that looked like a big tub of cum. I am not a proud man, but I am a very cheap man. So last week, I found in my mailbox a new variety of Axe body wash, and I swear to hell, this stuff smells exactly like lemon-lime Gatorade. I honestly can’t decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

Also, last night, while watching some show on the SyFy Network (and that’s got to be the most annoying way yet discovered to abbreviate ‘science fiction’), there was a commercial for a travel show featuring vacationers who like to stay off the beaten path. In order to emphasize their non-tourist cred, the announcer mentioned that they had been to Paris three times and still not seen the Mona Lisa or the Arc d’Triomphe. Okay, the Mona Lisa makes sense – to see it, you have to go to the Louvre, one of the biggest tourist destinations in France – but the Arc d’Triomphe? That thing’s kinda hard to miss. You could be incredibly non-touristy in Paris and still see it a dozen times. What’s the matter with you, TV?

Fabulous, healthy side dish
Last night, my boyfriend and I made Escarole with White Beans. I got this recipe off of Cheap Healthy Good, who in turn got it from All Recipes. It was incredibly easy and unstoppably delicious. The bitterness of the escarole paired so well with the creamy saltiness of the white beans. The only drawback to this recipe is that it requires 2 pots. Hang in there with the escarole- it takes forever to cook down and then BOOM it's done.

I am looking forward to trying this with different greens - broccoli rabe, mustard greens, etc. I LOVE GREENS AND BEANS!

Escarole with White Beans
makes 3-4 servings

4 teaspoons olive oil, divided
1 large head escarole
salt and pepper to taste
1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 clove garlic, minced
1 (15-ounce) cans cannellini beans, undrained

1) Heat 2 teaspoons olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Toss in escarole, turning to coat with oil. Season with salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper flakes. Cook, stirring occasionally, about 10 minutes, or until tender.

2) In a separate skillet, heat remaining 2 teaspoons olive oil over medium heat. Stir in garlic. Pour in beans with juices, and simmer until creamy, about 10 minutes. Add to escarole; simmer 10 minutes more, or until dish reaches consistency you like it.

Terrible Movie Boyfriends Battle 4
It was another close race for most of the day, but Holly Golightly proved to be the more annoying girlfriend in Round 3. On to Round 4!

Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars Episodes 2 & 3 VS. Billy Madison from Billy Madison

VS.

In the red corner, Anakin Skywalker - a Jedi knight in training who enjoys brooding, whining, and being pensive. He says when he's around you that his mind is not his own, which could either be a compliment or an accusation, considering his profession. Oh also, future life goals include being Darth Vader.

In the blue corner, Billy Madison - man-boy extraordinaire. He is happy to live off of his father's money until push comes to shove and he has to go back to school to prove he's not a dope. Except that it gets hard when he has to get through 9th grade again and he just about quits. He's fun-loving to a fault, and when confronted by your beauty would most likely yell "BOOOOOOOOBS!"

The Rules of Voting: Don't think of these characters in the movies you've seen them in. Think of them pulled out of those movies, suddenly in your life as your boyfriend or your friend's boyfriend. Vote with your heart. Feel free to stump for your candidate in the comments.

Poll #1426869 Terrible Movie Boyfriend Battle 4
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Who is the more annoying boyfriend?

View Answers

Anakin Skywalker
10 (55.6%)

Billy Madison
8 (44.4%)

let's get it on (the stove)

I love this website, www.cookusinterruptus.com. The videos are kind of low-budget but cute, and the blog is thought-provoking.

In an entry called "Don't be Wimpy" (as in, the hamburger-addicted Popeye character), author Cynthia Lair gives 5 reasons to cook at home instead of going out to eat:

1. You can choose fresh organic ingredients.
2. You control portion size.
3. You spend less money.
4. It is equal in total amount of time spent as going out (driving, ordering, waiting for the order to arrive, paying the bill – it is)
5. You don’t have to tip (but maybe you should).

While for the single person, cooking at home may seem wasteful (the reason why I lived on microwavable/boiled foods for so long), it's occasionally possible to freeze portions in containers, turn leftovers into a new meal (or tomorrow's lunch), or invite someone over (who hopefully won't be lame and back out, leaving you alone with an impressive boeuf bourgignon). Halving recipes sometimes works, but I would be afraid to try it.

Being single and cooking, actually, must be great--there's no pressure to get the food on the table, and if you stick your finger in something to taste it, who cares? And hey, it's summer--if your window or door is open, maybe people will come poking around asking, "Who's the chef?"

And if you're Ben, you will be standing there, with pots and pans on the stove, sweat dripping down your face, apron stained with tomato sauce, saying completely deadpan, "Not me."