I dropped Manning off at the Newark airport yesterday. On the way back, for some reason, I started thinking about Mad Ape Den, which Jon is hugely interested in. In fact, "Jon is a big fan of the art of Mad Ape Den" is a fine example of it. You see (especially if you click on that link), the idea is to express yourself in words of no more than three letters ("in one, or two, or one and two"). It's either tremendously irritating or captivating, I'm not sure which, but it got under my skin as I drove home.

I then started to wonder if it would be possible to write a fluent, albeit awkward, book in Mad Ape Den. The thought that followed that was that the first book translated into most languages is the Bible. So I spent most of that car ride rewriting in my head the first bit of the book of Genesis (the only book I know even remotely, due to my heathen tendencies) in Mad Ape.

Act One: day one - no sun, no air, no sea, no man.

God: "Sun! GO!"

Sun was, and it was OK.

God: "Air! GO!"

Air was, and it was OK.

God: "Sea! GO!"

Sea was, and it was OK.

God: "Man! GO!"

Man was, and he was OK.

God: "Eve! GO!"

Eve was, and she was not OK, but fab.

Man: "Oh my! Is she for me?"

God: "Yes, she is."

Man: "Oh how you kid. Is she a rib on me?"

God: "She was."

God (to Man and Eve): "All you see is for you, but the fig."

Man (to God): "Can I eat a fig?"

God: "Hmm...Can you?"

Man: "OK...May I eat a fig?"

God: "No, you may not."

Man: "Two? One for me, one for Eve?"

God: "No."

Man: "One fig? Be a guy. One wee fig?"

God: "NO! How do you not get it yet? How dim can you be? Nil! Not one!"

Man (in a sad way): "...ok."

Man (on the sly): "But I may eat one yet."

Now Asp was in the ear of Eve.

Asp: "Hey Eve! Eat a fig?"

Eve: "Hi Asp! How are you? I can not. It's a sin."

Asp: "A fig is of God, is it not? It, as all, is for you and Man. It's not bad."

Eve: "Is so!"

Asp: "Is not!"

Eve: "OK."

And Eve ate the fig, and it was so not OK.

Eve (to Man): "Hi. Eat a fig? I ate one, and I'm OK."

Man: "I..."

Eve: "See? A tit! Go on, eat a fig."

Man: "OK! Woo! A tit!"

And so man ate a fig too. But God got mad.

God: "WHO ATE THE FIG?"

Man: "..."

Eve: "..."

God: "Who did it?"

Man and Eve: "Not me!"

God: "My ass! I see all! I am one big eye!"

Eve: "'One big guy'?"

God: "EYE! One...big...eye!"

Eve: "Oh, I see."

God: "Oh, how you did err! My ire is big! I may rub you two out!"

Man: "'Rub one out'?"

God: "Get out!"

So Man and Eve had to go bye-bye. But Man and Eve had had sex, and now had a bad son and a son who was not so bad...


I may do Act Two: Son One and Son Two